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Crazy or not Crazy

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  This tango of life has become advanced. Knowing your strengths is good but knowing your weakness is powerful. Sometime I feel powerless in these tides of life. Creating an  identity just for everything you've ever known to flip on its head. At what time does God give us grace for the never ending struggles.  To be fair I feel like this is the happiest I've been or supposed to be. I feel like I'm going places seeing the world, confidence has never been higher, I mean I could have more money but I try not to way my worth on wealth. It's just that when I see kids playing, couples holding hands, birds flying in sync I feel this ache in my heart like that's something I'm missing. Is there an un-fillable void in my soul.      The concept of heroes and villains have been speaking to me recently. Why in a world full of humans do we decide when someone is a hero or  villain. I've known countless good people do bad things and Bad people do heroic deeds. What h...
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Friends Foes and Flaws

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                      Dear Blog Diary, On the contrary of needing affection and love, I have fallen victim to not exactly saying how I feel. Love is supposed to be loud and big, right? To be human is to preform, to be adored. Although I am so very tired, I'd rather be loved and admired. In about a month and a half will be my one year single-versary. During this year I've learned how to tame my beast. My worst beast was me in love, I was desperate, suffocating and basically like a puppy following my "owners" orders. I remember in one of my relationships and we were discussing the "black cat" "golden retriever" theory where one of you are the more of the chaser or basically is just happy to be there, while the black cat yearns for attention but also is more likely to recieve the attention than display it. I feel like my whole life I've been a golden retriever just following my heart all the time and giving into the "love dru...
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Beware of bills thoughts ^:^

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Lust love & Levitation Well, here I am creating my own memoir of my life. I’m tired, employed and single, probably the top worst things to be. Well I guess it  could be worse. To live in a city I don't know if there is a place here to exist in a way that won’t change the core of who I am. Or maybe it is the core of who I am? I’ve been played by men and hell even life itself but somehow I maintain a cynical optimism. Yes I am a walking contradiction but is that why you’re reading this.  I wanna find love just like a hopeful main character in a rom-com but is that too far-fetched nowadays? 2024 dating is as quick as speed of light, everyone has ADHD or simply just gets bored too fast. Whatever the case may be, I need stability. But somehow I don't think I’d be able to handle it at this point. I'm so far gone into a nonchalant paradigm because of my past, I may be emotionally unavailable I fear. But HEY, I’m gonna try this whole dating and finding love thing out. My plan...
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